Stepping Out
I love the quiet, intimate moments with the Lord- the ones we have in our quiet times, or throughout the day when He speaks to me through something I see or experience. Most often these moments are kept as small secret treasures in the core of my heart, and I cherish them. But when God calls me outside my comfort zone is when I feel really vulnerable. I don't like feeling vulnerable.
God has actually been talking to me a lot about being vulnerable lately, but that's not what I want to write about in this blog post... maybe I'll write about that in my next post, but this one, I just want to write about a small experience I had yesterday when I was in Walmart.
Sometimes I feel led by God to step out and give people things. My strongest love language is gifts- so when I give people blessings, I get SO much joy from it. But when it's strangers I don't know- I'm always unsure of how they are going to react to this. I have a huge fear of rejection (another issue God's working with me on) and so I am always afraid they are going to totally reject me. So far, I had never experienced this... Most people have been very receptive, or even cried- and I love seeing a small gesture show people the love of God. But it's amazing how right before stepping out to do this small gesture, I am usually trembling, very nervous, and my voice gets shaky...
Sometimes God will let me know what to say in these situations. Usually it goes something like, 'Hello, I don't know why, but the Lord wants me to give this to you." Before they take it, they usually ask "Who?!" And I repeat- "The Lord. Again, I don't know why, but I felt lead by Him to give this to you." My shaky hand then hands them whatever the Lord told me, and I walk away. But yesterday was a bit different.
Yesterday in walmart I had another moment like this, where I felt God tell me to give someone something... I also felt lead not to say it was from the Lord, or God, ect. There was no real secret way to give this lady what I felt lead to give her, since she was in front of me in line, and about to walk away. So i tapped her on the shoulder and said, "Mam, I want you to have this.." And held out my hand. But instead of taking it, she looked at me and asked, "Why?" I told her, "I don't know, I just feel like you need to have this, and I want you to have it." Tears began to form in her eyes as she gently said, "no, I can't... thank you, but no." She smiled, again I could tell she was about to cry, and turned to leave.
I was a little confused in my spirit because I know when God leads me to do something, there is always a reason or a need. God would have known the lady would have rejected the blessing, yet He asked me to approach her anyway... but why?
After pondering this, the man behind me then tapped me on the shoulder. He said, "That was about the sweetest thing I've ever seen." I smiled and said, "thank you..." I'm never sure how to respond to things like that because I don't like doing that stuff in pubic- or getting credit as being some 'great person', because that's not why I do this. But the guy continued and said, "You must really love Jesus." I said, "Yes, I do. I love Him a lot." And he said, "Even though she didn't take her blessing, I can tell you really touched her heart."
As I paid and left, the Lord began to speak to my heart about the fear of rejection. So often fear plays a part of not allowing myself to be fully free to move in the Spirit... There have been many times where I felt the Lord ask me to do something, but I chickened out at the last minute. But the few times I've stepped out of my comfort zone and listened to him, I have not been disappointed. Even when the lady rejected my offer, she did so out of love- I never felt offended, and I never do these things to offend others- only to love and bless. A free gift. But with her, I believe the Lord was able to both minister to her heart after, and mine- for it showed me that when we don't allow fear to control us- especially when we feel called to love on complete strangers- that's when people see God. Not me, or who I am... bc I am just as messed up as the next person- but like the guy behind me in line said... I just really love Jesus. Even when I never said 'God' in my explanation of why I wanted to bless this woman, people watching saw God in the situation. And that's how people will know we are His children- by the love we pour out on the world.
God has actually been talking to me a lot about being vulnerable lately, but that's not what I want to write about in this blog post... maybe I'll write about that in my next post, but this one, I just want to write about a small experience I had yesterday when I was in Walmart.
Sometimes I feel led by God to step out and give people things. My strongest love language is gifts- so when I give people blessings, I get SO much joy from it. But when it's strangers I don't know- I'm always unsure of how they are going to react to this. I have a huge fear of rejection (another issue God's working with me on) and so I am always afraid they are going to totally reject me. So far, I had never experienced this... Most people have been very receptive, or even cried- and I love seeing a small gesture show people the love of God. But it's amazing how right before stepping out to do this small gesture, I am usually trembling, very nervous, and my voice gets shaky...
Sometimes God will let me know what to say in these situations. Usually it goes something like, 'Hello, I don't know why, but the Lord wants me to give this to you." Before they take it, they usually ask "Who?!" And I repeat- "The Lord. Again, I don't know why, but I felt lead by Him to give this to you." My shaky hand then hands them whatever the Lord told me, and I walk away. But yesterday was a bit different.
Yesterday in walmart I had another moment like this, where I felt God tell me to give someone something... I also felt lead not to say it was from the Lord, or God, ect. There was no real secret way to give this lady what I felt lead to give her, since she was in front of me in line, and about to walk away. So i tapped her on the shoulder and said, "Mam, I want you to have this.." And held out my hand. But instead of taking it, she looked at me and asked, "Why?" I told her, "I don't know, I just feel like you need to have this, and I want you to have it." Tears began to form in her eyes as she gently said, "no, I can't... thank you, but no." She smiled, again I could tell she was about to cry, and turned to leave.
I was a little confused in my spirit because I know when God leads me to do something, there is always a reason or a need. God would have known the lady would have rejected the blessing, yet He asked me to approach her anyway... but why?
After pondering this, the man behind me then tapped me on the shoulder. He said, "That was about the sweetest thing I've ever seen." I smiled and said, "thank you..." I'm never sure how to respond to things like that because I don't like doing that stuff in pubic- or getting credit as being some 'great person', because that's not why I do this. But the guy continued and said, "You must really love Jesus." I said, "Yes, I do. I love Him a lot." And he said, "Even though she didn't take her blessing, I can tell you really touched her heart."
As I paid and left, the Lord began to speak to my heart about the fear of rejection. So often fear plays a part of not allowing myself to be fully free to move in the Spirit... There have been many times where I felt the Lord ask me to do something, but I chickened out at the last minute. But the few times I've stepped out of my comfort zone and listened to him, I have not been disappointed. Even when the lady rejected my offer, she did so out of love- I never felt offended, and I never do these things to offend others- only to love and bless. A free gift. But with her, I believe the Lord was able to both minister to her heart after, and mine- for it showed me that when we don't allow fear to control us- especially when we feel called to love on complete strangers- that's when people see God. Not me, or who I am... bc I am just as messed up as the next person- but like the guy behind me in line said... I just really love Jesus. Even when I never said 'God' in my explanation of why I wanted to bless this woman, people watching saw God in the situation. And that's how people will know we are His children- by the love we pour out on the world.
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