That one time God spoke to me through a Copeland song...
I've been home now a little over 3 weeks... and when I say home, I mean Charleston. There are still friends I have yet to see, which I love all my friends dearly- but it's just taking me a little more time to process everything and find a 'flow of life' here than I thought it would take. I'm not going to lie, it's hard being back. As much as I love my family and friends here, I just came home from an amazing experience and have been really grieving having to leave the memories behind. I actually stayed 3 days longer in the UK than some of the students - and at first I was happy about being able to stay longer, because I knew I didn't really want to go home yet, but after our last day of graduation and the first few students left, there was a seasonal shift- and all of a sudden everything felt different. The new season had started and I was left in the old seasons settings... it was quite unreal. By the end of those three days I was ready to get home and really begin this next season of my life.
But I had no idea what I was going to do when I got home.
The second week hit me the hardest... some days I didn't want to do anything- I was just sad. When I would get out and talk with people, I felt better, but then I became exhausted and would go be by myself again. God spoke to me so much about it being important for me to paint when I got home... but when I would try to paint, nothing would flow out of me.
The start of the third week I was walking around and singing a song out loud... I haven't listened to this band in quite awhile, so it was quite odd that I would randomly begin to sing this song- and this random singing lasted for 2 days. It was so often, that my mom even asked "what is this song you keep singing? Is it a Disney song?" - For those of you who don't know, I'm a little obsessed with Disney ;) . But I said, "no... it's just a song" That's when I really felt maybe God was speaking to my Spirit and I should look up the lyrics to this song that has randomly popped into my head the past 2 days.
The song is called "Good Morning Fire Eater"... I honestly didn't know all the lyrics- only most of the chorus. But when I looked up this song, these are the ones I felt God was saying to me...
Wake up your eyes and darling your smile.
The day is done and everyone's gone now.
You can taste every fire and hold every song.
The world has moved, be quick enough to not miss it now.
So wake up your eyes and darling your smile.
I'm afraid you've stopped to lick your wounds.
Dear, do you know?
I'm afraid you've stopped to lick your wounds.
But I had no idea what I was going to do when I got home.
The second week hit me the hardest... some days I didn't want to do anything- I was just sad. When I would get out and talk with people, I felt better, but then I became exhausted and would go be by myself again. God spoke to me so much about it being important for me to paint when I got home... but when I would try to paint, nothing would flow out of me.
The start of the third week I was walking around and singing a song out loud... I haven't listened to this band in quite awhile, so it was quite odd that I would randomly begin to sing this song- and this random singing lasted for 2 days. It was so often, that my mom even asked "what is this song you keep singing? Is it a Disney song?" - For those of you who don't know, I'm a little obsessed with Disney ;) . But I said, "no... it's just a song" That's when I really felt maybe God was speaking to my Spirit and I should look up the lyrics to this song that has randomly popped into my head the past 2 days.
The song is called "Good Morning Fire Eater"... I honestly didn't know all the lyrics- only most of the chorus. But when I looked up this song, these are the ones I felt God was saying to me...
Wake up your eyes and darling your smile.
The day is done and everyone's gone now.
You can taste every fire and hold every song.
The world has moved, be quick enough to not miss it now.
So wake up your eyes and darling your smile.
I'm afraid you've stopped to lick your wounds.
Dear, do you know?
I'm afraid you've stopped to lick your wounds.
After reading these lyrics I grabbed my journal and spent some time with the Lord. I realized that God has never left me- even after all the supernatural and crazy things I saw Him do in the UK, He is still with me even in my grief... and He understands exactly what I'm going through, even when I don't. I may not be spending every morning surrounded in a church-like setting, beginning with worship and seeing where the Spirit leads the day- but when I pursue His Spirit, then no matter what the setting is in my life, it will still be a day lead by Holy Spirit. This is much easier said than done- especially in our culture today.... but it's a relationship worth fighting for.
The good news (after this somewhat depressing blog) is that since this revelation I've been fighting- yes this is a good thing. When I start to feel grieved, I stop and let myself miss my friends, and England... but I also make sure I go outside, get some fresh air, journal, and be thankful for the life God is giving me here! I've become a lot more excited- and still taking it slow as the Spirit leads. He has been giving me 'stepping stones' as He reconstructs my life here. With the first step He lead me to find a job- I needed structure to my days. Within a week I had a job- not just a job, but somewhere I love working: a fitness center- (another passion of mine is fitness and health). I'm excited about a few other doors it looks like God is beginning to open in my life as well- but before I jump into any more 'new doors' I know I still need to keep at this slow pace, to find this "new flow" in my life here as God does the rebuilding.
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