Why I Believe in Soul Mates, and how I found Mine.

My Soul Mate

   First let me start by saying I wrote this blog a few days before Valentines Day. Valentines Day inspired this blog post, and you will read why- even though I had not lived it yet. I will be writing another post shortly on exactly what Valentines Day held, for God was there with me and my love in an incredible way. But first, I felt it necessary to post my pre-valentines day thoughts and beliefs, which I believe in even more so than I did when I wrote this only a few days ago:

   All my life I believed in soul mates, and finding my true love. That is, until I reached high school and had my first real heartbreak. After that- to me, there was no such thing as true love.

Actually, soon after that, I did find my real true love, and started a relationship with Jesus. Every year since then has been continuous seasons of doing life with God, and falling in love over and over again with who He is. There is nothing that satisfies in life until you know God.

I talk a lot to God- all day actually. He is in everything I go through. Another way I connect with Him is through journaling. I have so many journals, and I love to spend time just hearing what He has to say and writing down what I feel He is saying.

Before I met my boyfriend Shanen, I was single for 5 years, and each year was a growing season of who I am, as well as learning to trust God in every area of my life. Being single is a lot of fun, but it's not always easy. There were so many times I thought of dating, and what that would look like. It was a scary thought for me to be honest, bc in 2010 I went through a very traumatic break up that left me in a lot of fear about any future relationship.

But there was a deep desire in my heart for a husband... although I never made this known. I believed the lie that I wasn't worth a husband, and even felt shame for wanting one as much as I did. So I suppressed it, and focused on my relationship with God instead of dating.

The lie I believed at the time was not a good one- and certainly not the truth. I can see now the desire I had was from God, but the enemy tried to 'steal, kill, and destroy', like he does, and had me covered in so much shame. But the amazing thing is, God is bigger than satan... so much bigger... and He wasn't even worried about this stupid lie I was believing because God used it for good, like He does all bad things- and my relationship with Him flourished in those years where I was single.

There were times I would have dreams about the guy God had for me, and I would write the dream down in my journal. There were times I felt I needed to pray for my 'husband' (bc I knew even though I had no idea who I would one day marry, God did) and I would write those prayers in my journal. There were times I felt attracted to guy friends, but at the same time I didn't have a peace about dating them. God would speak to me about these guys, telling me I was attracted to something inside of them that looked very similar to the qualities my man would have- and that's why the attraction was there, but the peace was not.

I've even had prophecies about the guy God had for me- which I would also write down and keep in my journals. In 2012 I made a 'list' of all the qualities I wanted in a guy (for fun) and secretly kept it in my Bible. It was just a fun dream really, that I didn't take seriously at the time, but also thought... 'what if'?

I felt like 2014 would be the year I would meet my man. I don't know how to explain why I felt this, I just did. Then on my birthday someone I trust gave me a card saying they also felt the same. So 2014 held a lot of expectation for me. Around this time, guys also began to pursue me more than they had the past few years. But even with those guys there was also the missing peace from God.

Halfway through 2014 I began to think I was wrong about a lot of things. Guys began asking me on dates. Something I really wanted in my heart was to be taken out on a proper date- but I just couldn't do it bc there was no peace in my spirit about it! It didn't make sense to me, and I began to think that the missing 'peace' I was feeling when a guy wanted to date me was just me needing inner healing from my last relationship.

I even took out my 'list' I made in 2012 of my 'dream guy' and threw it away. When I threw it away I told God 'I don't want this to be something holding me back from receiving who it is you have for me'. Although I never felt like it was holding me back, I just wanted to let go of anything that was hindering me as I tried to figure out why I couldn't let myself go on a date.

Then, around the spring of 2014 God starts telling me I'm moving to England. He did this gently, and over several months with several confirmations. At the time I had no way to move there and didn't know what it would look like- but I told Him He would have to open those doors and I would trust Him. My church in Charleston was opening a church plant in London in October, and they needed help. At the same time in October, my iDestiny school I did in 2013 was having a reunion. To make a long story short, God provided a free plane ticket and I went to England for 3 weeks in October to work with the church plant, and attend my school reunion.

God gave me a lot of clarity when I was there of where I would be moving- and I was offered an internship with the school for 2015, which I accepted.

I was suppose to travel back to London with a friend on Nov 5^th, before flying back to the states... but I didn't have peace about it and felt God tell me to travel back by bus (by myself!) on Nov 6^th. I was nervous about this bc I don't like doing things by myself- and I had never taken a bus by myself before. But I had peace so I knew it would be okay. Since I did that, I was able to stay the extra night in Manchester and go to a bonfire with my friends. While at the bonfire, I was briefly introduced to a new guy I had never met, named Shanen. We didn't really speak that night, but we all watched some amazing fireworks together.... then went our separate ways with friends... however, I didn't even know it, but that was the beginning of my love story.

And it gets better.

After arriving home in November 2014, I began making preparations to move to Manchester for the internship.

A few weeks later, In December, I had a really strong dream one night:

*** At the start of the dream I was very sad bc I lost my Bible, and I was telling him about it when he said 'Oh, I have it actually! I hope you don't mind but I looked through it.”I got very nervous in the dream bc at the back of my Bible I keep little notes and prophecies in; and even that dream list of what I wanted in a guy... things I didn't really want anyone reading. Yet at the same time, I was flattered that this hot guy wanted to look at my Bible.

After this (still in the dream) me and Shanen were really good friends and went to a worship event where both of our churches were together for. Shanen was in the worship team, and I was painting a mural with the prophetic artists.

The dream ended with me being on a bus back in America, looking out the window. My family was also on the bus and my brother came up to me and asked “Do you like Shanen?”I said “Yes, but he lives across the ocean, so it's not possible to wish for anything.”My brother then said “Maybe he will move here” and suddenly in the dream I remembered Shanen had a visa, and I would really like that.

Then I was sitting by my mom Christina, and I was still starring out the window. I saw two huge bald eagles fly to their nest and feed their babies. I showed Christina, and suddenly two more eagles- nearly 3x the size of the huge balk eagles, flew over us and did the same thing by coming together to their nest. These eagles were completely covered in silver feathers. I began to wonder what this means spiritually that I saw it two times. Then I woke up. ***

I remember that day I had that dream, because I told my mom about it, and I remember saying “I had a strange dream about this guy I barely know-” however I was more focused on the eagles at the end of the dream because they were so cool, and was wondering what they could represent.

It was a few days after this dream that I got my first email from Shanen. He wrote me about a blog I had written on the Syrian refugees and he wanted to donate (bc I was raising money for them). That one email turned into many many emails, for nearly everyday, from December-March.

In those emails I was able to be myself, but at the same time I had guards up around my heart. I really liked this guy the more I got to know him. The scary thing to me though, was that I could now feel the difference in my heart between fear and peace. Before I struggled with not having peace, which is why I would 'run' from a guy. But in these emails, the more they grew, I found fear rising up in me because I really started to like him. But even in the fear I had peace. Actually I had more than peace because God was telling me over and over again “be vulnerable”... even with the smallest things like sending Shanen a christmas card, when I already knew he had sent me one. Every time I felt myself pulling back, I would feel God nudge me forward. To be honest, it was terrifying. I felt like I was stepping out on to dangerous ground that could fall beneath my feet at any moment, and really hurt my heart. I spent a lot of time on my knees with God through this season, fulling trusting Him and knowing I would be okay no matter how this ended. I just followed His peace, and His nudges.

**By the way, the christmas card story is amazing, and I wrote a blog on in when it happened. If you haven't read it, you should bc it's one of my favs: 
http://kissesofeden.blogspot.co.uk/2015/01/trust-in-creator-of-stars.html

I was so nervous when March came, and it was time to move to England. I knew this had the possibility of ending in a broken heart, but I also knew if it did, good would come out of it because God called me to move to Manchester before I even met Shanen, and that's why I was going. That's what gave me the courage to go and know I would be in the right place.

I arrived in England on March 6^th, and on March 10^th me and Shanen were officially boyfriend and girlfriend. Those 4 days seemed like forever- my heart was in such turmoil I couldn't think straight. This guy had become my best friend, but I liked him so much more than a friend.

As I look back on all my journal entries, my dreams of who my future husband would be, the qualities in other guys that I liked, and my 'dream list', and those prayers for my future husband... and they all were him. They were all spot on- Shanen.

And he was worth waiting for.

He is what makes me believe that God has a soul mate for everyone... but are we willing to follow God and trust God to let Him orchestrate our lives, no matter what the path may be?

We all have a destiny in our lives... and I know God puts desires in our hearts to be fulfilled.. But the thing is, we must let go of trying to fulfill these through our own efforts and trust God in every circumstance. He wants to show us how great of a Father He is. And this goes for more than just who your partner in life is... it goes for every part of our life.

Before coming to England, when me and Shanen were emailing daily and just friends, I had to constantly not try to get my hopes up. I never let go of hope, but I didn't put my hope in Shanen... I kept my hope in God knowing no matter what the outcome of this relationship was- it would be good because God was in control of this path, and I wasn't.

I can't imagine any guy more fit for me than Shanen. Even the way we think, the way we understand each other, and our relationship with God- we were just made for each other. And we both believe this with all of our hearts, because WE did nothing to bring ourselves together... it was ALL God who lead us to one another. Even across an ocean! Even the emails began from us both pursuing what we felt God leading us to do (me raising money for a cause, and Shanen feeling lead to donate).

This is why I believe in soul mates. I am not saying there is a perfect girl or guy out there for you...

Well, yes there is, and that person is Jesus.

That person made a way for us to be one with God and have a relationship with Him. He is our true love.

But I also believe when God created me, He knew I would be with Shanen... and when God created Shanen, He knew He would be mine. And we would all do life together following God's spirit to wherever that may lead- through every good season, and through every storm. Through every joyful moment and ever argument. God is there, with us, together in it all.

When I was single, I fell in love with God. When I met Shanen and we started this relationship, I fell in love with God even more, at the same time I was falling in love with Shanen. It was, is, and still is a relationship where God is so present it feels like there is always three of us wherever we go and in ever decision we make. And I can definitely say, throughout all of our adventures in only the past year, we have seen some amazing miracles.... and we know there is so much more to come.

For the past 5 valentines days (before 2016) I've gone on dates with God. I knew one day those dates would be more than just me and Him... which made me cherish those single valentines days even more. But what inspired this blog entry was my valentines gift to Shanen:

I went back through all my old journals from 2011, to the day we started dating, and found every prayer, every dream, every prophetic word that God spoke to my heart about my soul mate... and I compiled them all into a journal to give to Shanen to keep. This again was something I felt God lead me to do, and yet another area where I was called to “be vulnerable”.

Giving this gift to him was like giving him one of the deepest parts of my heart. But besides God, there is not one I would rather give it to.

Shanen is my promise. 

My gift from God.

Years ago God promised He had a husband for me... and after this promise I made many mistakes.

Like Abraham in the Bible, sometimes we can receive a promise from God, and try to make it happen in our own power. This usually leads us down a very hard and painful road... but even our mistakes we are not hopeless. And just as Abraham made the mistake of taking a promise from God and trying to put the world limitations on how it would happen, he failed, but God still redeemed it and fulfilled His promise.

For God always has a plan, and He always fulfills His promises. We just need to learn to let go.

I wanted to write this blog to encourage anyone who is single to cherish this time.. and to let go.

Let God orchestrate your love story, for each one is different and carries it's own beauty. God is the creator of creativity- so He has a love story for you and your partner that is uniquely yours. Follow His peace- and pursue Him with all of your heart. Take this season to fall in love with Him, to pursue relationship with Him; For it is by far the best relationship I have in my life, and I know I couldn't do any relationship well without Him.