For the Single Girl (and the Single Guy) who is still Waiting for their Soul Mate...

It has been 22 weeks and 2 days since I have married my soul mate and my best friend.

I randomly happened to see this yesterday, and it made me smile because it reminded me of how faithful God is. 

When I first met Shanen, we were both in a separate season of our lives where God was constantly showing us the number 22- everywhere. 

I had no idea why- and after some weeks and weeks of seeing this number, as well as beginning to email Shanen (for at this time I was in America preparing to come to England, and Shanen was in England- we had no intention of dating but just being 'electronic penpals' at that time), I realized I always saw this number in times where I would worry or be afraid. This was a time in my life where God was healing a lot in me, and teaching me to be vulnerable with someone by letting them hear my heart. I would be scared, see the number 22 and feel God's peace, and then know- everything is going to be okay.

So for me, the number 22 became a reminder in my life that everything would be okay- no matter what life looked like, or felt like in that particular moment- it would workout in the best way because I was trusting God, and in His hands.

(Just to clarify- this didn't only happen about emailing Shanen- for at this time my focus wasn't really on Shanen... actually it was never totally on Shanen even when feelings started to come... but it was always on God and what He was doing- and just trusting Him) Many times I would see the number 22 simply when I was rushing to get to work on time- thinking I would be late and stressing- and just seeing that number would remind me to slow down, breathe, and know rushing wouldn't make me get there any sooner... just trust God's timing, even in my own lateness. 

This was the season I was in- 22's and redbirds. 

(God was also speaking to me through the cardinal at this time, which I also saw everywhere when I worried about finances.) 

lol... I don't know why God speaks to me in these ways- but I love it. 

Anyways- the number 22 continued to pop up all through dating Shanen, into marriage, and even to this day- as you can see by me accidentally clicking the app on my phone that use to countdown to our wedding date- realizing it now counts up, and is on 22 weeks and 2 days. :) 

This "accident" of clicking the app (although I don't believe it to be an accident) - inspired me to write this post. 

I remember the seasons before meeting Shanen. 

I remember those years of singleness and how much my heart ached for a husband to love- how much I longed to know who He was- and how that longing inspired me to dream of him quite a lot (even though I had no idea who he was). I remember praying for him so much, and even praying with a friend one night in my back yard in 2013 because my heart ached for him.

Hope deferred makes the heart sick- but a dream fulfilled is the tree of life. -Proverbs

I often thought 'will I be single forever?' or 'Am I called to singleness?'

In my first years of singleness I was afraid to dream of ever being married, because I didn't want to face the pain of being disappointed. Just like it says in proverbs- Deferred hope will make the heart sick... 

and my heart has been sick before- very sick.

But before, that hope that made my heart sick came from a hope that I put in something other than God. I put hope in creating my own future from my own desires. I got into relationships that I wasn't meant to be in simply because my heart desired a husband so much.

It's like when David receives the prophecy of being King... God told David He would be King. Saul was King at the time, and after David to kill him. David could have killed him in the cave when he came upon Saul sleeping- even his men encouraged him to kill Saul, because David was the rightful King (God declared it!)... yet- David chose not to kill Saul, but to stay on the run, because He knew He could not fulfill his Destiny through his own doing, but God would do it for him.

It was around the last few years of my singleness that I started to let myself hope and dream about being married one day. I had a dream about 3 years before meeting Shanen, where and angle named Erica appeared to me and told me I would be married one day, and God had a husband for me.

A year later I realized that this deep longing in my heart was put there by God... and I should not be ashamed of it any longer, but to trust.

To believe.

And I did.

I trusted God, and I put my hope- not in my future husband- but in God.

He would bring me my husband, and I did not have to go looking for him... 

neither did I have to wait for him. 

With eyes fixed on God, He leads us to our destiny, and on that road I met my soul mate.

I pursued God as my husband, doing life with Him, spending quality time with Him alone, going on many dates... and just discovering His love for me as His Beloved.

It was on that path that God made me and Shanen's paths cross-

Across a whole Ocean.

Through a dream-

a blog post-

and an email.

( If you want to read the whole story you can find it here:
https://kissesofeden.blogspot.co.uk/2016/02/why-i-believe-in-soul-mates-and-how-i.html )


There were guys that came along this path I was on with God before meeting Shanen... but because my hope was in God's promise- and not simply being married, I was lead by the peace of the Spirit.
I know in my past I would have gotten in quite a few relationships those 5 single years, because to be honest I met some really great guy friends who will make amazing husbands one day for their own soul mates! But they just weren't mine :) 
And in that process of letting go, and trusting God through each decision- God wove this incredible love story into my path without me having to do anything.

During the process of becoming friends with Shanen, it was a couple months into emailing daily, that I relized we were so similar- and I really think I liked this guy.

This scared me- and I ran to God 
(several times actually- but this one time in particular)
I picked up my pencils to draw, along with my journal to write...
and this came out...

"When God holds your heart it cannot be broken. 

I will trust my God

I will not try to control the situation that unfolds before me.

What will be will be.

Because in the end I want God's hand to be the orchestrator of my life.

And I only want what he has for me

Because he only has his best for me

And his ways are better than I could ever imagine

So it's in him I trust

Not in myself

And not in others

Only in him

Because my life and my heart are in his hands."

(Written at the end of Jan 2015)

So I wanted to write this blog post because this month, both single women and men out there have been on my heart. 

It's hard being single because it makes us feel alone. 
Loneliness can lead to so much doubt, fear, addiction, insecurities etc... 
yet this season could be a huge blessing in making time for yourself to go deeper into your relationship with the creator- and finding more of the destiny He has put within you.

I also want to encourage you- every love story is different. 

I share mine, not to say this is how they all are..

for this was how mine was.

And yours will happen the way God designs. 
Because the beauty is, you are not me -and I am not the amazing you! 
We are all made to be who God created us to be- 
that is our destiny.

Just like me and Shanen are very similar in so many ways, 

God could have made your other half to be completely opposite from you!

You never know!

But don't be afraid to BELIEVE.

If you have a longing for your other half- trust God will make a way.

He called the stars into existence.

So hope in Him.

Trust Him...

and let Him hold your whole heart.