The Fight.
Today hasn't been such a great day... Actually, this whole week has been horrible.. except Thursday, that was a pretty good day. I thought maybe writing in pink would make me feel better.
I'm falling really fast and I'm afraid I'm going to crash really hard. I'm being pulled so many different ways; I'm not a rubber band, and unfortunately I don't think I can stretch too much further. I wish I could find a pause button for life, and just live in the quiet blank time where there are no worries until I press play again.
If this is spiritual warfare, and I'm pretty sure it is... I'm not winning. I feel like I've had some pretty strange/incredible coincidences happen that seem like 'signs'. I don't know if I believe in 'signs', but it's weird. Then I started thinking, what if these signs are from God? Does God give us signs? How do we know what is from God and what is from the Enemy??
I was reading a book a friend let me borrow called Death by Love. It is an AMAZING book and I'm only a few pages into it! I love it. But there a brief page on spiritual warfare that helped me understand a little bit... It talks about how Satan will bait his hook with anything that we find desirable. He will gladly give us sex, money, power, pleasure, fame, fortune, & relationships. It goes on to tell us how satan's goal is for us to take the bait without seeing the hook, and once we are hooked, he reels us in to take us captive. His gifts are often good things offered for sinful uses. He will even challenge us to examine the gift to ensure it's quality. It's like a pedophile, when they trap kids with candy. The candy wasn't poisonous.
I'm afraid I'm hooked. And what scares me, is each day I put up less and less of a fight. I couldn't even go into work today without breaking down and going home.
This is getting pretty bad.
Fortunately, I have some VERY loving people in my life. I have best friends who encourage me everyday... I have couples in my life who are also helping, and lifting me up when I really need it. Sometimes it's not what I want to hear at all... I have no idea what the future holds, but right now I can only take one day at a time, and fight myself not to do something drastic. I honestly think I'm more afraid of letting people down than anything else... I could never face my friends again if I do the wrong thing, and I know that, which scares me even more.
Remember, Cami:
ReplyDelete-You should not be alone in the Spiritual battle. If you feel as if you are losing, then you might be. God is the one who wins these things. He alone has the victory and it is through seeking his face before all else that we find and stay in his hands.
-I'm praying for you.
-I'm glad you have friends and people helping you. But don't rely on them. Rely on God. He works from the inside out, not the outside in. He can use others, but he really wants to be working in you.
-God has a humongous plan for your life. The more God wants you, the more Satan is going to fight for you. The key to recognizing Satan's keys is by learning God's truth. Not just learning it, but completely absorbing it. God says in Romans that if we seek his face, then he will reveal his plans for us (rom. 12:2). He promises us these things. He's not elusive, but we often are. He is aching for you and the heart and tenderness he knows you have in you deep down. Don't forget the your first love - not Rob - God (rev. 2:4)!
Sorry this is long.
I love you and I'm praying for you.