The Palms of His Hands

So recently I have been getting a little burnt out on India. Things are frustrating me more than they use to and I've been really worried about my own performance over here and how I am doing job wise.

My heart breaks for these women we work with, and I have become almost ashamed at how blessed I am. Where I am living now, it is 95 degrees in the first week of March (and it's not even the hot months yet)... the humidity is terrible- sweating here is an every second thing... I have to hand-wash my clothes... and there is no such thing as 'personal space' here. Yet the people I work with and visit every day remind me how blessed I am to live somewhere as nice as I am now.

Being so blessed and working in the slums, I see where I'm not only 'comfort' blessed, but so much more spiritually blessed. I have a God who cares about me, and provides for me, and is always there for me. I don't have to be good enough to win His attention-

My God Died For Me.

Lately I've just watched these women, wanting so badly for them to be my sisters someday- to know this love that I know. To know their creator, Abba. I know God's heart breaks for them so much more than mine does.

Even after writing this,(even the line about not having to be good enough) I hate to admit to you that one of my biggest struggles is feeling like I am not good enough. This week I have felt that a lot. "God, I am not good enough- I'm just a spoiled little american girl, who has never known (or even come close to knowing) life without food... life without shelter... life without family who loves me... life without money. I have never know the kinds of pain they experience every day- sometimes it is so overwhelming and I think "God, what can I do?!" Then He reminds me that I did not bring myself here.... He did. And there is a reason for that.

Today a lady I barely know sent me an email telling me that God put it on her heart to share this verse with me. "Can a woman forget her nursing child, that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you. Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are continually before me." -Isaiah 49:15-16

Sometimes I forget how much God loves me. Sometimes I tell myself I am not worthy of His love- and in all honesty, I am not. But He adopted me as His own, and has sent me to India. Sometimes all I need to remind myself is I am not alone.