India

So as most of you know, I am hopefully heading back to India December 27th. I got my plane ticket, although I still need about $900 of support by Dec 7th.... which is two days away. Every time I do support raising, I stress out a lot. One, because I hate asking people for money. It's something that is really hard for me to do, because I don't like making people feel like they have to give me money. Last time I went to India, I left without all my support, not knowing how in the world I was going to live over there when I didn't have enough to live off of for 5 months yet... and God definitely provided. Even for my first trip to India back in 2008, there was absolutely no support coming in... and I began to think that it just wasn't going to happen... airfare was due in one day, and that morning a friend arrived with a check that equaled the amount of the airfare! I was blown away!

You would think after all this, I would know that this is in God's hand. And I have to admit, I did a good job not worrying until I got an email a week ago saying all support is due. I also had an upcoming conference call on a Thursday. I made sure to write down (on two calendars) about the conference call, because I tend to forget things a lot, and reminded myself everyday at the beginning of the week about making that call on Thursday. Well, the call was last Thursday, and as I was laying on the couch yesterday(Sunday), I sucked in my breath in shock-grabbed my phone, and realized I had totally missed the call! (the call was going to be done over the computer). I wanted to cry. I felt like everything is going wrong all of a sudden, 3 weeks before I'm suppose to leave!

I went up to my room. Do you ever get in one of those horrible moods, where you feel like the world is falling apart around you, and the ONLY thing you know you need at that moment is to be in the presence of God... that was where I was yesterday at that moment.

I've been reading a lot of books on the spiritual world, because it's something I know exists, and something that all Christians battle with, if they know it or not. I spent my first years of a baby Christian having no clue of this. I haven't told many people about these books, but I've recently started reading a book called "He Came to Set the Captives Free", which is the testimony of a Satanist coming to Christ. It's a powerful book. I found this book in the Library, as I was browsing around (I was originally in there to renew a fiction book I had, but the line was so long I decided to look around until it went down). And I'm glad I found it because it's probably the most interesting thing I've ever read. But I have to make sure to read it in the morning, because if I read it before bed I have nightmares. So before bed I read another book I got from Gospel for Asia, called "Revolution in Missions"... again, another highly recommended book! And it's free on Gospel for Asia's website, so please go order it!! :)

Anyways, as I ran up to my room, I wrote a quick email to Rahab's Rope, apologizing for missing the appointment... still not sure how I forgot... And then I put on my worship playlist on Itunes, and grabbed my sketchpad to just spend some time talking to God, and even a little "venting" in His presence. As I walked away from the computer, sketchbook in hand, the first song "Flags" by Brooke Fraser began to play... then suddenly stopped. I looked back, and my computer (my brand new desktop) had just suddenly shut off! It has never done this before. I walked back over to it, cut it back on, and clicked it again. Again, the song began to play, I waited a few seconds, walked away to go sit on the floor. This time, I got to the floor of my room, and it cut off again! After the THIRD time of this happening, I got super angry, then immediately thought, "Is this something spiritual?" So I literally laid my hands on my computer and asked Jesus to protect it so I could just be surrounded by worship music right now. I declared whatever was making my computer randomly shut off to flee, and leave me alone in Jesus' name! Needless to say, my computer hasn't cut off since!

Durring my time of talking to God/sketching/writing/hearing from Him/venting/crying/worshiping.... I gave everything to Him. Maybe I'm not meant to go now... Going to India for me is probably the MOST uncomfortable thing I do in my life... the trip there is uncomfortable... I am spiritually uncomfortable with all the other gods they worship surrounding me as soon as I arrive... I am an introvert, so being on big teams is hard for me... then there is the homesickness, and missing my dog, Kutta... then I have a fear of disappointing people, especially this ministry for some reason.... and I'm not even going to go into physical discomforts that come from India. Although these trips are so uncomfortable, I can't describe the peace and joy that constantly radiates from my heart as my foot steps on India's ground. And that, compared to the heartbreak that will come from not going to India... I will always choose the discomforts.

But if I don't get to go, I know I'll be back to that country one day. I laugh as I remember my first trip there back in 2008... after day 3 I wanted nothing more that to go home. Each day was numbered for me until I could get home. I hated it. I wouldn't eat anything that even resembled Indian food for months after I returned. I still don't know what happened... or how God put that country so deep into my heart- I even love the food! It really is something that could only have been from God.